"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us"
~Romans 5:8
...and yet, i think God's ultimate act of love--laying down His life for us in His Son--only slightly surpasses His next act: offering us the choice to walk away.
free will must be one of the most painful and beautiful creations God ever set into the human soul.
"..while we were yet sinners.." while we spit in His Face. while we tell Him how He's failed us. while we call Him a liar. while we embrace every act that is harmful to us and that is painful to Him. while we bless and curse with the same mouth He gave us. while we reject the very life He breathed into us. "..Christ died for us."
God loves us. He gives us grace. grace loves beyond our sin. God loves enough to offer grace, and to allow us to refuse. He loves us so much that he will let us make our own choices, even when they harm ourselves, when they can harm others, and when they break His Heart. He knows that those who have been hurt and are in Him will hold fast. why?
because He is a True Father. and any good Daddy knows that once His child is old enough to make decisions themselves, they must learn from their mistakes. forcing only fosters hatred. not love.
today in church our pastor spoke about God inhabiting the praises of His people and hearing their prayers. "but God only goes where He is welcome" he said.
welcoming God takes faith.
it takes the power of the Spirit. it is acknowledging that He Is God Almighty. He is not a lucky 8 ball, and He will not be treated like one.
i stand amazed today. God showed His Love by holding back His Hand. He let decisions be made. He showed His love by letting a door slam. He put His Spirit on me today and showed me what it feels like to do that, and as the tears rolled down my cheeks, i began to understand a little of what it means to be the Father of the prodigal son. it means our God will suffer heart break. He sheds tears for His children.
God is no murderer--He will not hunt down those who are not willing to come to Him.
However, He is still willing and always at the ready to save the lost who will be found, even if they have walked away in times past.
Praise God, who loves us enough to let us go, and even more: to take us back the moment we turn around, truly repentant and ready to come Home.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him."
~Luke 15:20
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
"Faithfulness, madam, your enduring faithfulness"
i had a conversation with the Almighty last night, or rather, He had one with me. i imagine this is a little bit like how buttercup felt right after she pushed westley off that cliff...
i think it's appropriate that i share it with you.
i was convinced that i had it all figured out. but if i was doing everything God wanted me to do, & following what all of His people were encouraging me to do, then why were there no results? Why could i not see anything worth mention that Jesus had done in my life lately?
i think it's appropriate that i share it with you.
i was convinced that i had it all figured out. but if i was doing everything God wanted me to do, & following what all of His people were encouraging me to do, then why were there no results? Why could i not see anything worth mention that Jesus had done in my life lately?
"what are you doing, LORD?"
"Waiting."
"Why? What for? Haven't i asked? Haven't I sought you? "Haven't i been where i needed to go? And yet all i can say to these kids about the 'great things' you've been doing in my life amounts to about 15 bucks because my mom is nice?!"
"Hm. Yes, you have done some...things, you might say--"
"in Your Name."
"In MY NAME, yes. But what power lies in that if there is no FAITH behind it? Haven't you been teaching that same Truth to others? It's time you believed it yourself, isn't it?"
""Are you saying...have i really---lost faith, Father?"
"Yes. You have forgotten ME. How many have I chosen to give life to, and to take life from? And how many has the evil one taken that I have not allowed him to take? None? None you say? Then WHY do you tremble in fear at him and scarcely come to ME even to hide your face?"
i hung my head and wept.
He speaks Truth, and it is as sharp a Blade as His Word says.
I had forgotten my Father and His power, in all aspects of my life.
i had been arrogant.
i could make no reply.
"...You did want this. To be a warrior, fight the enemy. Remember? Isn't that what you said to ME?"
i nodded.
"but, a warrior in tears? it isn't what i expected. i look weaker now than i ever did before you made me into any kind of warrior."
"Few things ever look as you expect them to. and in your weakness I AM strong. You know that. Can you be faithful to ME now? No more trembling, no more leaning on yourself? Just faith--in ME?"
i nodded. i felt Him smile. I recognized His Spirit filling me.
"I know you can. You will have what you have asked for. I ask only for your faithfulness--believe ME, and I will not let you down.
Now go: REJOICE!"
"Waiting."
"Why? What for? Haven't i asked? Haven't I sought you? "Haven't i been where i needed to go? And yet all i can say to these kids about the 'great things' you've been doing in my life amounts to about 15 bucks because my mom is nice?!"
"Hm. Yes, you have done some...things, you might say--"
"in Your Name."
"In MY NAME, yes. But what power lies in that if there is no FAITH behind it? Haven't you been teaching that same Truth to others? It's time you believed it yourself, isn't it?"
""Are you saying...have i really---lost faith, Father?"
"Yes. You have forgotten ME. How many have I chosen to give life to, and to take life from? And how many has the evil one taken that I have not allowed him to take? None? None you say? Then WHY do you tremble in fear at him and scarcely come to ME even to hide your face?"
i hung my head and wept.
He speaks Truth, and it is as sharp a Blade as His Word says.
I had forgotten my Father and His power, in all aspects of my life.
i had been arrogant.
i could make no reply.
"...You did want this. To be a warrior, fight the enemy. Remember? Isn't that what you said to ME?"
i nodded.
"but, a warrior in tears? it isn't what i expected. i look weaker now than i ever did before you made me into any kind of warrior."
"Few things ever look as you expect them to. and in your weakness I AM strong. You know that. Can you be faithful to ME now? No more trembling, no more leaning on yourself? Just faith--in ME?"
i nodded. i felt Him smile. I recognized His Spirit filling me.
"I know you can. You will have what you have asked for. I ask only for your faithfulness--believe ME, and I will not let you down.
Now go: REJOICE!"
Saturday, August 16, 2008
the devil flees! the devil flees!
it's been quite an adventure.
so, as in most stories, there's this girl. God loves this girl so much, which has made satan want her so badly. being the hero i always want to be, i've been storming in, trying to proclaim God's love, provoking satan and getting burned. a lot.
a lot a lot.
more times than we care to count.
after a lot of lost sleep, late night phone calls and arguing with demons, i found i looked a lot more like a shell than an actual human being; i certainly didn't have the look of a redeemed daughter of the Most High.
but after a meeting with a couple brothers in Christ, i began to start really listening to what God was telling me: let go, this is my battle.
when worship came and i saw her feel the attack & leave, i kept myself from following this young girl, and i prayed that God would focus my eyes on Him, rather than on this demon's distractions. Sure enough, five minutes later, she was back, playing her bass. it was a huge victory for Christ.
later tonight, as more worship happened, she came and sat with me. the demon wanted to get at me, and it certainly tried. i found that when i took on the joy of Christ and proclaimed His name, satan fell back. when i faltered, satan preyed on my fears. but instead of trying to bear this alone, God sent people to come, just when i needed a break, and this time, as i had asked, God gave me the strength to walk away from the situation, and let Him handle it. when praise became the main focus again, there was healing. she was freed.
These are the truths that i have learned:
~Let God fight your battles. He's the only One who can win them.
~Do not go it alone. Isolation is satan's favorite tactic.
~Keep your focus on God. to make satan or any demon your focus is, as a good friend of mine pointed out to me today, a form of worshiping him, for where your treasure is there your heart will be also--if satan is the focal point, it means God is not.
as others prayed for her, more people came, and prayed for me. part of the brotherhood of believers, a huge part, is that we build one another up, we support each other, never leaving one alone to struggle, unless it is so that they may be alone with God, when He sees fit.
in the past, i have struggled with demons. i have been tired and broken.
today, i let God struggle with demons. my brothers & sisters supported me. i am joyful and free.
my young sister is free also. i believe she is free indeed, for good, as long as she will lean on the Lord.
may any and all of your struggles with the enemy, be they obvious or veiled, be laid down at the feet of Jesus Christ. He already has the Victory. Amen.
so, as in most stories, there's this girl. God loves this girl so much, which has made satan want her so badly. being the hero i always want to be, i've been storming in, trying to proclaim God's love, provoking satan and getting burned. a lot.
a lot a lot.
more times than we care to count.
after a lot of lost sleep, late night phone calls and arguing with demons, i found i looked a lot more like a shell than an actual human being; i certainly didn't have the look of a redeemed daughter of the Most High.
but after a meeting with a couple brothers in Christ, i began to start really listening to what God was telling me: let go, this is my battle.
when worship came and i saw her feel the attack & leave, i kept myself from following this young girl, and i prayed that God would focus my eyes on Him, rather than on this demon's distractions. Sure enough, five minutes later, she was back, playing her bass. it was a huge victory for Christ.
later tonight, as more worship happened, she came and sat with me. the demon wanted to get at me, and it certainly tried. i found that when i took on the joy of Christ and proclaimed His name, satan fell back. when i faltered, satan preyed on my fears. but instead of trying to bear this alone, God sent people to come, just when i needed a break, and this time, as i had asked, God gave me the strength to walk away from the situation, and let Him handle it. when praise became the main focus again, there was healing. she was freed.
These are the truths that i have learned:
~Let God fight your battles. He's the only One who can win them.
~Do not go it alone. Isolation is satan's favorite tactic.
~Keep your focus on God. to make satan or any demon your focus is, as a good friend of mine pointed out to me today, a form of worshiping him, for where your treasure is there your heart will be also--if satan is the focal point, it means God is not.
as others prayed for her, more people came, and prayed for me. part of the brotherhood of believers, a huge part, is that we build one another up, we support each other, never leaving one alone to struggle, unless it is so that they may be alone with God, when He sees fit.
in the past, i have struggled with demons. i have been tired and broken.
today, i let God struggle with demons. my brothers & sisters supported me. i am joyful and free.
my young sister is free also. i believe she is free indeed, for good, as long as she will lean on the Lord.
may any and all of your struggles with the enemy, be they obvious or veiled, be laid down at the feet of Jesus Christ. He already has the Victory. Amen.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
greetings from the back bedroom
breakfast in bed: yogurt with honey.
head still spinning from all of last night's toils. body still sore.
spirit: on the mend.
now's as good a time as any to get this thing rollin.
So, greetings, my friend, from the back bedroom of the house. if you're stopping by to read a good one-sided conversation, reflections on God, faith, new Life in general, or just some amusing and possibly thought provoking posts and/or links, this is a pretty good place to look.
If you're a personal friend here to catch up and see what all might be going on in my head or life today, you've also come to the right place.
All of these things, and hopefully some glorious others will appear here in the blog. of course, as title suggests, all of this is subject to the move of the Spirit. we will see what He plans for this new posting odessey.
At present, feel free to enjoy the first post, leave a comment, snoop around some links, or go back to shamelessly stumbling the internet.
May your reading be bountiful, and may your internets be fanciful.
head still spinning from all of last night's toils. body still sore.
spirit: on the mend.
now's as good a time as any to get this thing rollin.
So, greetings, my friend, from the back bedroom of the house. if you're stopping by to read a good one-sided conversation, reflections on God, faith, new Life in general, or just some amusing and possibly thought provoking posts and/or links, this is a pretty good place to look.
If you're a personal friend here to catch up and see what all might be going on in my head or life today, you've also come to the right place.
All of these things, and hopefully some glorious others will appear here in the blog. of course, as title suggests, all of this is subject to the move of the Spirit. we will see what He plans for this new posting odessey.
At present, feel free to enjoy the first post, leave a comment, snoop around some links, or go back to shamelessly stumbling the internet.
May your reading be bountiful, and may your internets be fanciful.
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